In two weeks I will (God willing) be attending the wedding of some dear friends at Steckle Farm in Kitchener,Ontario.
Imagine my relief when I first learned that wedding wasn't on top of a mountain in NZ or in the Muskokas! Steckle Farm is most certainly outside my (expanding) zone, but, I think it's do-able!
Yesterday P agreed to drive me to Steckle Farm so we could check the place out in anticipation of the main event. Google maps told me it took about 15 minutes via the 8 or Westmount to Bleams Road. I promptly forgot to write down any directions, including even the address, on the assumption that everyone who owns a car has a GPS (being unfamiliar with owning either myself).
In fact P's cute little smart car DOES have a GPS, but was not familiar with simply "Steckle Farm".
There followed some conversation about directions, locations, checking phones, me not having data, him driving and not able to check phone. The GPS was not adding much of use to the conversation. I apologized. My head felt unclear. I recognized that I had been more relaxed about this then might have been reasonable given the challenge that it actually was. That's progress!
By this time we were at the roundabout on Margaret, which is the edge of my "walk" zone - the area I feel I can easily walk home from, my sanctum sanctorum.
After this: here be (possible) dragons!
I had some vague flutterings of panic - too much disorganization. Yes, I told myself, it does say something about how far you've come in terms of not tattooing the exact drive route on my brain and reviewing it anxiously like a map into Mordor. Yet I feared P would be irritated with me, which in my ag-brain translates irrationally into him booting me out of the car somewhere in the wilds of Bleams Road (aka deepest Kitchener suburbia): an agoraphobic's nightmare.
I did some breathing and then he asked me if him choosing an unexpected route to the high way (yep, that was also happening) was "freaking me out". It was in fact not freaking me out (since at least I knew how to get to the highway!), but more importantly, I could feel P's concern for me and this was infinitely relieving and confidence building in this entire process. I assured him I was not freaked out.
And felt myself un-freak a little.
Soon we were on the highway. After a few moments I took note in my body of how extremely fast we were going. It was fast. 110. Think about how that feels to a person who rarely leaves the construction infested traffic jam of Uptown/Downtown. I felt like how I imagine my hamster used to feel when I unexpectedly removed her from the cage and carried her over to the couch. Little heart beating very quickly! I knew I would acclimatize soon so I just let myself feel the strangeness.
Somewhere between the King St and Fisher Hallman exits came the first "WTFWTFWTF" thought. It always happens at some point. It was not so bad. I put myself into work mode, where I have a duty to perform, not a big deal, just get 'er done. The feeling passed.
Then I experienced the most wonderful sensation of ... enjoyment. Like I was actually enjoying being in this car with P and that in fact we could live the rest of our lives in this little car in the sunshine watching the Petsmarts and row houses run by. Nice. Good moment. It reminded me of traveling with my Dad when I was a teenager.
Now we were definitively in suburbia. I had never been here in my life, that I can recall, in this part of Kitchener. The sky was very big and the grass seemed very long. Houses and buildings were spread out. A strange new world.
We finally reached Bleams. This was the point that P's geographical knowledge ran into my complete lack of memory of even the essentials of the specific location as visualized on Google maps. He knew how to get us the area, but now we were true pioneers, discovering uncharted territories!
It was at this point also that a very strong need to go to the bathroom, which had been building over the past few minutes, became a clear and present reality. I shared this with P. He told me we could stop at McDonald's.
I had lost track of the concept that there might even be bathrooms nearby, given how wild and deep this suburban adventure had become for me. Also I felt I couldn't face getting out of the car at McDonald's. I told P I could go in the grass by the road and then he told me he could just slow the car down and I could stick my ass out the window.
We were momentarily distracted as P chose this moment to turn off into Huron Business Park to check the GPS. An old school GPS, also known as a hand-drawn sign in a ditch, alerted us to the fact that we were in the vicinity of "Steckle Farm Parking". Jackpot! shouted my heart. I still have to go! shouted my bladder.
I asked P to pull over by the entrance to the farm, and I spidered down into a ditch (that I prayed had no poison ivy) to pop a squat.
There is nothing more freeing that peeing in the great outdoors. Pee splash might dampen my knock-off Tom's, but nothing can dampen my joy! Also, it's very satisfying to urinate in a location that is, for you, an achievement to arrive at.
Steckle: I came. I saw. I conquered.
I marked my territory!
Back in the car, P and I drove down the drive but we decided not to get out of the car because apparently Ashley and Jeremy were getting married at the farm that day (according to another cute little sign) and we didn't want to wedding crash. Plus A was waiting for us to meet her in at the Village Creperie in Belmont for a well-earned brunch in 20 minutes.
P decided to take Strasburg back. I placed my trust in him completely since I more or less had no idea where we were or how to get back. That's cool. I like that I got into that place mentally. I trust him. I hope he wants to go on more drive challenges with me.
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